Everyone gets advice before they start a new stage in their lives. Before marriage, someone might advise that you make sure to learn to compromise… and get all that teenage sexual angst out beforehand. Before going to college, someone might advise that you can only find time for two of the three S’s – so be ready to make your choice: school, a social life, or sleep? I actually rejected that one and chose all three, plus more. Before coming to Ghana, I was given a mountain of advice - some incredible, a few terrible, and most somewhere in between. Find a cute African girl. Make sure to leave all your baggage at home, don’t bring any vestiges of home with you and you’ll be free to explore. Take your earrings out before going, someone might think they’re worth some money and take off your ear for them. Wear a condom. All different bits and pieces of advice I had flowing in my head on my flight away from San Francisco. But as of now, I can honestly say that the best piece of advice I have gotten so far is… greet everyone you encounter: the doorman, the passerby, the shopowner, whoever – it’ll open up a whole new world.
And that’s exactly what it has done so far: open up a whole new world. People here are interesting. They’re incredibly friendly, but you wouldn’t know it if you walked down the street without heeding this advice. Yeah, you’ll get tons of attention, a bunch of obrunis thrown at you, and what we like to call “professional friends” (or people who are friendly to you only because they want something from you). You run into professional friends all the time; today, when we were walking off the beach, one of the men managing one of the many lounging areas started yelling at me for not ending up hanging out at (and paying him for) his lounge chairs. “I thought you were my friend,” he chastised. I laughed out loud and replied, “friend? Charle (replace with ‘dude’ or ‘homie’ for American slang), we just met.” If you act like this is the United States, without greeting everyone you meet, you’ll probably end up with a lot of professional friends and a bad taste in your mouth that has you feeling like Ghanaians are only nice to you for your money.
That’s simply not true – most Ghanaians will hardly pay much attention to you, drudging through their daily work routines with faces void of expression. But the difference when you greet people, and ask how they are, is night and day. We are told that the older generation of Ghanaians can spend an inordinate amount of time just greeting each other: “How are you? And your parents? And children? And your brother? And his wife? And his wife’s sister?” You get the point. Anthropologically, meeting someone was not an encounter of individuals, but an exchange of families – with an opportunity for partnerships, alliances, or much worse if the meeting did not go well. Let’s just say that greetings become important within that context – and it still carries on today. All of a sudden, with a simple “ente sen? (how are you?)” a smile flowers on the previously somewhat disgruntled face. Their eyes begin to glow. And for showing them some humanity, you’ll get a lot in return paid in kindness. You know all of those bureaucratic forms that might have taken you hours to fill out? Just a technicality anyway, go right ahead! Oh, you want to have guests sleep over even though its against the dorm rules? But you’re such a nice guy, I’m sure you wont cause any problems! You want your hair braided? Well, usually that’ll be 15 sidi ($10), but we’re friends so I just cant accept your money!
Some might ask, “well, you’re the guest in their country, why don’t they greet you first? Do they not understand hospitality?” Kind of an obtuse question if you ask me – obviously the person isn’t much of a traveler (and has no idea about the reputation Americans have abroad). Ghanaian hospitality is superb, but my relationship with most can never be quite equal… I came here on a flight that is valued at more than a thousand dollars, an amount of money that is unimaginable to the majority of Ghanaians working for $2 or so per day (yeah, do a double take, that’s per day not per hour). Equality comes a little closer on the college campus, just because these are the Ghanaian elite, but locals (who have not had a peachy experience with foreign incursion in the past *cough* colonialism *cough*) still aren’t sure whether you are bringing along your American arrogance or a seasoned cultural sensitivity spiked with a healthy dose of respect.
For me, I think situations like these are about leadership. This might sound completely unrelated, but give me the benefit of the doubt for a sec. Some people have internalized the image of a leader that is too often passed on to us – the person always first to speak, always above the rest, always at the head of the group. That seems a little presumptuous, does it not? For me, leadership is about knowing when to take hold and when to let go - and is best enacted by humbly being in tune with the group and its needs. When everyone is being a little shy and silence takes over, I might not feel the most comfortable with being the center of attention but I just might do something quirky so the giggles will break the ice. But many times, there’s no need for me to assert myself everywhere (in fact, it becomes overbearing and counterproductive), and I am much better off letting others have the spotlight as I enjoy myself from behind-the-scenes. This is exactly why when I noticed most of the Ghanaians on my floor (the hall where I live) being a little timid when it came to connecting with Theo and I, the new folk on the block, I decided to take the initiative and greet them. I made some flyers inviting them to a “games night” in our room and placed it under their doors! That was last night, and after an hour or two of playing mafia and receiving dance and drumming lessons, I could already tell that the tension was easing. Yes, I had to make the first move, but some of them might later invite me to come visit their homes on a trip to the north of the country – an honor I would be so grateful for. I tuned in, decided to take the initiative, and in return was given the key to a world I might never have found otherwise.
Anyway, as I write this I’m on the road to the Volta Region now (Eastern part of the country) to a monkey sanctuary. First, I’d like to say that I despise the inventor of speed bumps. For some reasons, Ghanaian road planners became enamored with the concept and decided to put them EVERYWHERE. It makes me want to scream (and made writing this take WAY longer than necessary). More importantly though, be ready for a picture of the baby monkey I’m hopefully about to buy and bring back to campus – ohhh yeahhhh!
I can say that I had that weird feel when we came to California, because people on the street were greeting me, neighbors were coming over to greet me, totally strangers were greeting me while walking in the park. The first reaction was, "Am I crazy? Did we meet before and I don't remember them while they obviously do?" Then I understood that it is a norm here, it is just being nice, they don't know me and they don't want anything from me, they just want to welcome me.
ReplyDeleteIn most cases it doesn't matter who starts, and sometimes it is good to initiate it, because the other side will not do that for many different reasons, such as being shy or viewing you as an arrogant visitor.
However, be aware that not in all cultures such welcome initiation is well accepted. For instance, in Japan it is OK for men to welcome men (never touch them or offer a handshake), but created totally unintended reaction with women - they were jumping from their chairs or almost squashing themselves into walls while bowing low until I leave. I've heard even worse stories from some very conservative Muslim countries, where you could be arrested for talking in public to somebody's wife without his permission.
In Ghana, especially in the student environment, it is probably OK to greet first. Just be careful not to generalize the concept.